I'm gonna have a badass scar
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
