Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
