Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
