I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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