I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
