its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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