I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
