And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
