When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
