Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
