So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
