its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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