No stitches, just platelets and will power
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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