I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
