Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
