So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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