Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.