Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
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In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
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My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.