i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.