dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
