We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Panties = found
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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