I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
