It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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