yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
