Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Boobs are out for the taking
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
