Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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