Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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