I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
