I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
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She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
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I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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