Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I have aggressive nipples.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize