So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
