wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
