I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
