Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
no, he came in my armpit
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize