I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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