It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
