you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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