I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
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I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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