I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he was CRYING into my vagina
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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