Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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