we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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