Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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