So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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