Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
soo... how was my night?
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