i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
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You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
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Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize