she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
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he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
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His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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