At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
