Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
