my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
