I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
