a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
