I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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