Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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