you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
