Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
