If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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