went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
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She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
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You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going