let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
