Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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