she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
