I hate your face
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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