I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
