How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
