you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize