I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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