Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
